Oh, thank you so much for kind words that comes straight from your heart. I felt mellow today, but also a bit low, down and empty. Did so much crying in between; but of course, my children never see me cry when I am troubled like this. They see only happy tears but not the sad tears. I always want to stay strong for them, though not easy but that is my responsibility to give them a secure feelings towards their mother, you see. I thank you for the words of prayers and poetry from you, Elizabeth. I held close that entry of yours on 'Picture of Lov' - makes wondering if everybody up there in Heaven have photo frames of us on their night table too? Thank you so much, Elizabeth ...
Thanks for your comment. Very nice entry. Hang in there, Randy will be home soon. In the meantime you have stalker patrol to keep you occupied. Take care.
You are truly a blessing to me, you've allowed me to sit back and realize that everything is in the hand's of God and that I honestly have no control over it and that He has my best interests at heart. Thank you so much. You're diary is so uplifting.
Hi Elizabeth....I'm so sorry that you're having a difficult time. I understand how you are feeling. I don't like to be alone either. If Rob were gone, I don't know what I would do with myself....I'm sure I'd have to do something though. Randy will soon return. I wish you strength and courage through this time away from him. (((HUGS)))
You didn't make me depressed at all...thank you for sharing your memories of your mother. I too was with her...holding her till she took her last breath. I didn't want her to feel alone and I promised that I wouldn't leave her. It was so very hard for me to let her go, but I knew that I had to and I told her in her ear that it was alright, to rest now.
There are times this moment will come; when we all shall question about our own existence and why we are here, and for what do we living for and why should we suffer? There are times when you do something, towards the end you always asked yourself "For what am I doing this? What is it that I am doing? And for what purpose? Is it worth it do this? And why this? All this? I don't know anymore who I am and what I am, I do not know really the reason of me living here ... and for what I am dying for? What is it that I am looking for in this life? And what is that my heart searching for? .... YES, I KNOW THIS VERY WELL FOR I'VE BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION ... But I pray for you when you need this, you are in my heart, Elizabeth ... If you cry now, let me dry your tears in my mind and I will put a sun in your life so that it may shines, hoping you may see this light. I am too far, but I am near in your spirit ... Love conquers all, dear ... Stay strong ... Love you always ...
he will come home elizabeth. just like the other times. he is doing what he is called to do. and knowing he has you there, missing him, loving him, and waiting for him...makes it easier for him. YOU are doing something for him. try...sometimes, to do the waiting with a smile and not always sadness. he will be back.[terriberri]
Sounds like the song 'tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree'. I used to listen to that song when I was young and have always wondered at the length of its title. But the message is so touching. I guess no parents will ever turn their backs to their kid, no matter what.
Thanks for this reminder... of how big parental love could be. Have a good week, Elizabeth!
It's nice to know people are willing to forget, no matter how much people have screwed up =D Thanks, that story made my day. Thank you seriously. What I'm going through, you just gave me so much hope.
i have to say elizabeth, i pray before i write to you, because i want very badly to be able to say something "just right" to help you. i'm no one special, and i know that. but somewhere in me are experiences that can relate to yours, and whenever that happens, it's for a reason. if words from me help you...i am overjoyed.
take one day at a time, and don't rush yourself because someone else thinks you should. but try to focus on "living" because it's a gift you've been given, and your son will be able to smile down on you for it.[terriberri]
it's hard to see it, or believe it or even just accept it most days. he was 14 when he passed away - he was the greatest friend any person could ever ask for. but he's gone, to never come back. burried deep in the ground, and i'm just scared one day i might forget about him, if i keep trying to forget that he's gone. but he shouldn't be forgotten, cause he was an amazing kid! so nice, A+ report cards, always there to help... ah, he was great! and yes, it is sad. but he is loved.
thank you for your comment, xox, a girl named ryan
there is so much i don't know how to say regarding your loss. i could say, that even tho it was a short time, he was a gift to be grateful for...but i know you know that. i could say that he was just so beautiful and special that God had already prepared a place for him, but you already know that. i could say that he touched your life in exactly the way he was meant to do...and his job was done. but no matter what i say...i know you've already thought it or felt it. so i feel like i can't offer "just the right" words to you.
what "was" will never be forgotten, and should never be. i do beleive that we honor a loved one gone, by "living" tho...and not by remaining frozen. if our souls are tied at all to the ones we lose...then our frozen state could be holding them back from complete peace too? i don't know...just something i wonder about. but i do know that holding onto pain is not a way of honoring. pain surely has it's place. but to honor him...live your life. show him that you appreciate the life you have been given. it will never mean that your love for him isn't everything that it is. beleive me...he KNOWS how much you love him.
ever heard the song "fly" by celine dion? it helped me let go. and that's not to say that the love or feelings of loss just went away. it's normal to feel those. but letting go...is a big thing. it makes you able to breathe again.
The Road To Destiny
within pain, we sometimes forget all chance,
we close up, become unwilling to share.
staying alone, not risking a glance,
you won't be burned again, if you don't care.
but without your knowing, the wind blows,
taking darkness, debris, and heartache away.
times plants the seed to become another rose,
like the dawn brings the sun for another day.
the ocean will always wash to the shore,
the birds will always sing their song.
storms will come; rains will always pour,
making it sometimes seem that all is wrong.
but smell that rose, and feel that sun,
each one is a promise for another chance.
fate is not partial; it touches everyone,
and teaches the steps you need to dance.
somewhere ahead, everyone's destiny awaits.
you must believe...fate is taking you there.
your destiny is a gift given BY the fates,
and the road to it, is not always fair. [terriberri]
i was instantly offended by whoever told you to "get a life". sounds awfully judgemental to me.
my life is busy and often chaotic. but for the most part, i think it's very normal. nothing special. just ordinary and i'm really grateful for every moment of it. you mentioned my watching my girls grow into women, and this is something that really fills my heart with joy. i see the changes. i see it happening. i see the people they are becoming, and it makes me feel very satisfied that everything i've put into raising them, has been beneficial somehow to them.
but...there is more than just them. my time with roy is a gift that i never forget. looking at him, i am always reminded how lucky i am just to have him in my life. and we make the effort to "do" things together, even if it's just yard work or date nites. i think love is a gift, that needs daily attention, so waking up and wondering right away what you can for the other to make them smile that day, is something he and i have vowed to do.
but also elizabeth, there are things i enjoy that have only to do with me. i read whenever i can. i love sappy movies. i love to go thru the grocery store all alone to plan a meal for the family.
all these things are "a life". you have many of them too, so who can say you don't have a life? if you are being judged because you are a bit frozen sometimes by a HUGE loss that is still so raw and new, then whoever is making that judgement is very wrong. you see everything around you. you are grateful for everything around you. i think maybe sometimes you are too afraid to truly allow happiness to invade your person, because you fear it will either be taken away or that you don't deserve it. but other than that...don't let someone tell you such things.
and elizabeth...happiness is there for everyone's taking. even when it's temporary. grasp at every happiness, without fear. don't miss any little bit of it. you deserve it all.
This is why we must learn not to judge first .... because then the Lord will judge us. Wonderful entry as always, Elizabeth. And thank you for your kind words of love & prayer for me. I felt better today and spend much time doing whatever I think need to be done. he, he, he ... You have such a moral value in your story - always. Shared with the people and it makes you wonder if you are just like that nurse or the one who judged ... I wish you a very merry day and hope to see later soon ... [Excomysteriez]
Take care.
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I wish you a very merry day and hope to see later soon ... [
